I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
