Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
