that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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