Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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