hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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