Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
