mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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