I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
