Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
