it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
