I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize