It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
