Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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