We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
