Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You made out with two different species that night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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