Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
