cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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