Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
