meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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