i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
