I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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