I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize