it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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