I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
