I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
