He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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