I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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