just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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