Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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