come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize