in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That accounts for only three of the penises
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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