I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to calm my uterus...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
