Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize