HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
