i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
