theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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