hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
