Sry I called you an 8
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize