She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's shark week go big or go home
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
