My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
