It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
