Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
