p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
