We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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