Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
