The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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