i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
