she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
