she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
