I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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