i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
