Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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