I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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