the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
