using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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