Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
