I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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