i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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