my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
