I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
