On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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