I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
