I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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