i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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