haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
