On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
