And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize