Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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