I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
