we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
