dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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