She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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