She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
