Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
