So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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