In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
