can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
