the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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