its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I miss vodka workout Fridays
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
