Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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