I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need to align my fucking chakras
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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