I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
