1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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