He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
