i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
