OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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