So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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