After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
