I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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