I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
