ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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