O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
