Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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