make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
